We can all recall a time when we became emotional, upset or angry with someone in our life. We can think back to how quickly that emotion bubbled to the surface and how terribly we reacted. An article written by Julia Flood, titled, "Why Do We Feel the Need to Argue?" discusses when a person feels threatened in some way there is an instinctual response. It’s natural to want to go into a state of emotion which creates a response such as fighting. If an animal encroaches on another animal’s territory and they fight until one of them surrenders. When we feel triggered by a loved one we can feel threatened. Sometimes we say or do something to try and make that person feel the same level of hurt that we feel.
Our brain has the ability to learn new behaviours and new skills and it’s called neuroplasticity. By practicing to be more present with the situation, reflecting on past mistakes and having more recognition of your prejudices and beliefs one can learn to change that instinctual response. And remember if you are arguing about something for more than 5 minutes it’s probably more about you than it is about the other person. Most of the time your loved one does not intentionally set out to hurt you.
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